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May 15, 2010

Venetian Bind

Find-the-crack Or Dearth of Venice
Or Fangs for the Mammaries

What is it with vampires? Every so often humanity (well, the abysmally dull section of humanity that are usually, but not exclusively, teenagers - and therefore seen as one of the more important audience demographics) seem to rediscover vampires and the ensuing over-spill seems to coat the rest of us in a bloody residue that wouldn't look out of place coming from the sluice room of an abattoir. I've never seen an entire episode of Buffy, I've sat through - completely nonplussed - most of Being Human and I come out in angry hives whenever I'm within 6 foot of a life size standee of Robert Pattinson. I guess it's a youth thing.

If it were up to me I'd subject anyone with a love of vampires to State of Decay on an endless loop whilst their head was bolted into a harness which pinned their eyes wide open until they stopped humming tracks from "Once More With Feeling".

And I know we're basically talking about massive fish from space here, rather than harmless fun-loving gadabout blood drinkers, but even the very mention of the V word is enough to make my own blood boil.

Doctor Who: The Vampires of Venice

I swear that the following lines of dialogue were cut somewhere along the way:

"Look at the size of that thing, Doctor."
"Yes, Rory, that is a big one."

TroughtonAs Smith's transformation into Troughton continues unabated Rory neatly (almost too neatly) filled a Jamie sized void. Although Rory's reintroduction felt too hurried, it wasn't as if he'd even benefited from that much focus 6 weeks ago. Seemed to take to time travel like a duck to water (or at the very least a monster fish to a canal). And whilst it's always a treat to have a suicide bombing at tea time the story felt too samey to what had gone before. Decaying alien race takes refuge on Earth in an attempt to repopulate its species because their homeward had vanished/been destroyed/sucked into a crack (delete as applicable).

RoryAt least the vampire conceit worked. Aren't Time Lords supposed to be terrified of vampires? I can't remember much about State of Decay because of the state of narcolepsy it induces but I do seem to recall a level of Time Lord pant-cacking occurs whenever they're taunted by the gothic ones. At least the story didn't come down to a troop of outcast, mawkish, emo foetuses full of Kevin the Teenager angst hurling period cod pieces and ruffs at the moon.

Until modern culture finally turns grumpy, belligerent sociopaths into a aspirational mass market brand icon I'll continue to sulk.


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