Bits'n'Pieces

In a futile attempt to get something in the bag about Day Two here's a somewhat hopeless effort to slap a few entrails together, wrapped up as a blog post, in the hope that when I come back in 37 minutes time, it's regenerated itself into fully flowing prose. But known my luck it'll just be standing there waving its bits about and scaring the cattle...

Children of Earth: Day Two

Rumour has it that there's going to be a new line of Jack Character Options figures. The Jack Harkness Offal Bag. Endless fun for all the family. See if you can put him back together blindfolded. Play pin the tail on Harkness and watch those nuns faint. Actually, they could release this as one of those build your own skeleton part-works, except this would build up to the full fleshy Monty. Parts 45 thru 68 will be individual sections of his willy whilst parts 354 to 654 will contain his ego.

But not the ones with the faux cheese filling.

There was one memorable (for all the wrong reasons) scene in early trailers where Gwen was launching herself out of the back of some thing, bigging it up in a John Woo action stylee, giving it extra-large with both barrels of two hand guns. It was the single scene in the entire trailer that screamed "the usual Torchwood is back". Was this meant to be the shot as Gwen launched herself from the ambulance after taking the Government agents' (remember that - Government agents - it's going to play key role later) guns from them? If so then the person responsible for cutting this together should be showered with praise, knighted instantly and given a years supply of his favourite 10p chewy sweets.

Meanwhile the 456 are slowly revealing themselves to be the showiest of pretentious aliens. First there's a series of messages delivered through the mouths of an entire planet's children. What about a simple phone call? A postcard? Sky writing? Then there's their rider. One that would put the most petulant of divas to shame. Here's a set of Ikea pamphlets, build that please. Then fill it with gas cos we've been watching loads of that Babylon 5 and we really dig all that alien atmosphere jazz. Then we want a marmoset monkey in each dressing room, with a bath of Kiaora and champagne and some Tuc crackers. But not the ones with the faux cheese filling otherwise WE SHALL DESTROY YOU...

Dropping C-Bombs all over the place.

Actually, you start to worry about these aliens. The Government (hello The Government, I've not forgotten about you, honest) named them after the frequency they used. But... as this was the 60's, with the abundance of pirate radio ships, how could they be sure it wasn't just Tony Blackburn on crackly shortwave they were picking up? And given the Government's greed in selling off various chunks of the spectrum it's a wonder the frequency is still unused and not been flogged to provide the Babestation+1 channel to angry loners and politician's spouses. Is it any wonder that all this nonsense is slowly driving John Frobisher into Malcolm Tucker. The potty language has doubled from yesterdays. By Friday he'll be dropping C-Bombs all over the place and not even batting an eyelid.

A two hander between them in the Dot'n'Ethel mould.

And speaking of The Government... Well. What can you do when you've got the thickness of Gwen running to the Government for help despite knowing that the fake ambulance men were Government agents. Then you've got chief spooky-do woman hijacking PC Andy because he knows where she [Gwen] lives and they don't!

And if that weren't enough, there's the fact that Ianto's comic relief appears to have been distributed amongst Rhys and PC Andy ("if she's anti-terrorist, I would not mind being Uncle Terrorist"). I for one can't wait for Day Four which is a two hander between them in the Dot'n'Ethel mould. Which one's Dot and which one's Ethel? That would be telling. But I can tell you that there'll be periodic off screen obsenities hurled from an almost fully formed, and unseen, Tucker.

Tidy!